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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all doom. Some folks swear by it—say it’s relaxin’, sensual, blah blah. Good for ‘em! Me? I’d probly sneeze from the oil, ruin the mood, then rant about it for days. Like, “I paid $80 to itch?!” Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “Nuru,” all slippery seaweed gel—sounds like a freakin’ sci-fi porno! Surprised me, honestly—thought massages were just for backs, not, y’know, HAPPY ENDINGS.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I was like, “Seriously, Sungai-Raya? You couldn’t wait five minutes?” I ducked into a small café on Jalan Merdeka, hoping to wait it out. The place was cozy, but the Wi-Fi was slower than a turtle on a lazy day. I needed to send some ads for my job, but nope. Just me and my soggy phone.

Indonesia revises 2024 stunting rate target to under 20 percent