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What gets me fired up is the fakes—catfishers, man, they’re the worst! Pretendin’ they’re hot stuff, then you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who ordered this?!” Makes me madder’n a wet hen. But when it works? Oh, it’s gold. Sparks flyin’, chemistry poppin’—like Carlos blowin’ up a car, intense as hell. I’ve had nights where I’m thinkin’, “This is it, I’m in a damn movie!” Then there’s the flops—awkward silences, bad breath, ugh. One gal told me mid-date she collects toenail clippings. Toenails! I’m out, y’all.

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When the rain finally stopped, I headed back to the office, looking like a drowned rat. My coworkers were cracking up. I mean, I can’t blame them. I looked ridiculous. But hey, at least I brought some joy to their boring day, right?

Figure 23. Maps showing ground motion hazards of an M6.8 earthquake on...