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Little known fact—horses sleep standin’ up, ain’t that wild? Caught Bessie dozin’ once, swayin’ like she’s drunker’n Cooter Brown. Nearly pissed myself laughin’—thought she’d tip over! But nah, she’s tougher’n a two-dollar steak. Used to get riled up when folks neglected ‘em—saw a skinny mare once, ribs pokin’ out, made me wanna holler, “You gonna die, you sumbitch!” like Col. Landa. Ain’t right, y’all, horses deserve better’n that.

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But then, I spot this guy tryin’ to steal a kid’s balloon. Like, really? Who steals balloons? I’m not a hero, but I can’t just stand by. I rush over, and I’m like, “Hey! Back off, buddy!” He looks at me like I’m crazy. I mean, I might be, but not for this! He bolts, and the kid’s cryin’. I hand the kid my drink. “Here, buddy, it’s all good.”

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