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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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First stop, the workshop on Jl. Pahlawan. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, let’s get this day rollin’.” But nooo, the machine’s jammed. Like, seriously? I’m yankin’ on levers, cursing like a sailor. My buddy Budi’s laughin’ at me. “You sure you’re a machinist?” he says. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryin’ to make metal dance here!”

LG announces it's shutting down its smartphone update servers and PC software next month