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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.

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First off, I hit up Jl. Yos Sudarso for breakfast. Best place for nasi goreng, no cap! I’m munching away, feeling all good, when suddenly this stray dog decides my plate looks better than my face. Like, dude, back off! I’m not sharing my food with you! But I laughed it off. Gotta love the street life here, right?

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