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I tried it once, alright? Wife dragged me—hated it. Slippery table, dim lights, smelled like hippie tears. Masseuse whispered, “Relax, big guy,”—almost punched her. “Live with your choices,” Grace says in “Dogville,” and I chose wrong that day. Felt like a greased pig, not a man. Surprised me how folks think it’s sexy—looks like a bad wrestling match.

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Then, my boss walks in. He’s all serious, and I’m like, “Dude, lighten up!” But he’s got this project that’s due tomorrow. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” So, I’m grinding away, and my mind’s racing. I’m thinking about that festival, the food, the music. I need a break!

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