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Oh, and the decor? Tacky as hell. Velvet, mirrors, fake gold – pure Austin Powers pad vibes. Groovy, baby! Bet they shagged on tiger rugs. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? Sounds fab.

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And then, I see it. A giant durian. I’m not even kidding. This thing was massive. I’m standing there, contemplating life choices. Do I dare? I mean, it’s the king of fruits, but it smells like feet. My buddy dares me to try it. So, I’m like, “Challenge accepted!” I take a bite, and wow, it’s like a creamy explosion in my mouth. But the smell? Ugh, I can’t even. I’m gagging and laughing at the same time.

Luxury and lizards on a grand scale