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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* It’s like, totally wild, right? I mean, who knew hands could do THAT? *The Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH! So I’m sittin here thinkin—gee, it’s like “Toni Erdmann” vibes, ya know? That movie—oh my GAWD—I love it! The way Toni’s all awkward but real, that’s sexual-massage sometimes! Like, “I’m not here to be polite,” he’d say, rubbin’ someone down, heh!

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I see this street vendor selling the best soto. Like, I’m drooling just thinking about it. I grab a bowl, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy, right? But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog decides my leg is its new best friend. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But it’s all up in my business, wagging its tail like it’s the mayor of Situbondo.

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