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I got happy tho—my girl Tasha met her boo on Tinder. She was all, “Madea, he’s fine as hell!” I said, “Plant that seed, girl, but don’t let him spin your top!”—yep, *Inception* vibes! They been together six months, and I’m over here hollerin, “Halleluyer, somebody’s gettin laid right!” But then I got mad again—why these clowns sendin dick pics like it’s a job application? “Here’s my resume, hire me!” Boy, bye!

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Then I thought, “Let’s check out the old mosque.” So, I headed to Masjid Agung. It’s beautiful, like, seriously. The architecture is insane! But here’s the kicker: I walk in, and it’s super quiet. I’m trying to soak it all in, and then my phone rings. Of course, it’s my mom. She’s like, “Did you eat? Are you safe?” I’m like, “Mom, chill! I’m in a mosque!” But she doesn’t get it. Classic mom, right?

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