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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses and whiskey. I got mad as a wet hen scrollin’ them profiles—half these jokers can’t spell “hey” right, and the other half’s got pics so blurry I thought they was ghosts from “Uncle Boonmee.” Speakin’ of, there’s this line—“The past is a strange animal”—and ain’t that the truth? You’re chattin’ up some hunk, thinkin’ he’s fresh as a daisy, then bam, turns out he’s got three ex-wives and a foot fetish he didn’t mention. Past lives sneakin’ up like them monkey spirits in the jungle!

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If you really have to call something, go to Sanur, Riverview Spa or Sway spa. Online girls are just ridiculous bad here.

Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Sanur Night Market.” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So, I head over. The market’s buzzing! Food stalls everywhere, people haggling, music blasting. I’m in heaven.

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