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Oi, listen up, fam! Me’s an operator, innit, and I wanna chat bout escort – not them flashy cars, nah, but them lads and lasses who, y’know, keep ya company for a bit of dosh. Straight up, escortin’s mad, bruv! Like, I seen some tings that’d blow ya mind, for real. One time, this geezer tells me he’s escortin’ this posh bird, right, and she’s all “I am weary of my past lives” – straight outta *Uncle Boonmee*, innit! I was like, what?! She reckon she’s lived a thousand lives, and I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?” – nah, it’s just wild, fam!

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I get there, and the drivers are yellin’. One’s got a bloody nose, and the other’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ dazed. I’m tryin’ to keep the peace, but man, it’s like herding cats. I’m shoutin’, “Calm down, folks! Let’s not turn this into a soap opera!”

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