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So, yeah, sexual-massage—messy, wild, worth it. “Facts are simple,” as Aldo’d say—ya want relief, this’ll carve ya up nice. Try it, don’t try it—up to ya, padawan! Me? I’m sold, long as it ain’t some sketchy joint. Peace out, gotta count credits now!

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First off, I hit the streets of Jl. Raya Ransiki. The sun was blazing, like it was auditioning for a role in a summer blockbuster. I’m sweating like a popsicle in a sauna. Ugh! Grabbed my coffee from that tiny café on Jl. Pahlawan. You know the one? The barista, bless her heart, was having a meltdown. She spilled half my drink. I was like, “Girl, it’s just coffee, not a crime scene!” But she was all flustered. I felt bad, but c’mon!

Japan Times reader cherishes WWII news dispatch from Dutch East Indies