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Oi mate, blimey, sex-dating, eh? What a bloomin’ circus! Me, Boris, Technical Writer extraordinaire, I reckon it’s a right old faff, but thrilling too—like riding a wonky Boris Bike downhill! Saw this lass on Tinder once, profile said "loves adventure," turns out she meant shagging in a tent—got me chuffed, then knackered! Reminds me of *The Master*, that cracking flick—Freddie Quell, mad as a hatter, chasing skirts and booze, “You’re not an animal, you’re a man!”—same vibe with sex-dating, innit? All primal, messy, glorious chaos.

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After that, we hit the swings. I was pushing them, and they were like, “Higher! Higher!” I was like, “Dude, I’m not a rocket launcher!” But I pushed them anyway. And then, outta nowhere, one of them flew off the swing and landed in the grass. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack! But he just got up, laughed, and said, “Do it again!” Kids are wild, I swear.

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