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But yo, it pisses me off too. These schmucks out here lyin’—sayin’ they’re six-foot when they’re barely five. Or the dames with filters so thick, you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who dis?” I’m over here yellin’, “Be yourself, bitches!”—straight outta Spring Breakers, ya feel me? Honesty’s dead, and I’m freakin’ tired of it. One time, I heard this guy braggin’—met a girl, smashed, then found out she’s bangin’ half the block. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—roll the dice, hope ya don’t catch somethin’.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. He’s got a huge bag of durian. Like, seriously, who brings durian into an elevator? The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m gagging, trying to keep it together. I’m like, “Bro, you can’t be serious.” But he’s just grinning, like he’s the king of the world.

Small magnitude 3.4 quake hits 41 miles southeast of South Lake Tahoe, California, United States early morning