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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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I’m translating like a madman. The energy is wild! People are laughin’, clappin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep up. But then, this one guy in the front row starts makin’ weird faces. I’m like, “Dude, what’s your deal?” Turns out, he’s deaf and just really expressive. I can’t help but laugh.

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