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Alright, listen up, ya degenerates! Sex-dating? Oh boy, it’s a mess—a glorious, sloppy mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like a shepherd watchin’ horny sheep bangin’ heads. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain—half these apps are scams! Dudes swipin’ right on bots, chicks dodgin’ dick pics—chaos! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s like “The Return,” that flick I love—ya know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s gem from 2003. That slow burn, the tension, the messed-up family vibes—it’s sex-dating in a nutshell! Two brothers fightin’, lost in the wild—same as two randos tryna hook up without catchin’ feelings.

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But I give it a shot anyway. Spoiler alert: I’m terrible. Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just there, red-faced and trying to play it cool. But hey, laughter is the best medicine, right?

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