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Oh, oh! And the lies! Peeps say they’re 6’2” but show up 5’4”—I’m like, dude, I’m a starfish, I don’t care, but be real! Gets me all riled up. But when it works? Man, it’s like jellyfishin’ on a good day—pure joy! Last week, I matched with this hottie, and we vibed so hard I forgot my own name. “Patrick who?”—me, starin’ at her like she’s a Krabby Patty.

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So, I’m walkin’, mindin’ my own biz, when I bumped into this old guy. He was super friendly, right? Starts talkin’ about the history of Pangkalanbuun. Apparently, it’s got roots goin’ back to the Sultanate of Kotawaringin. I was like, “Whoa, that’s cool!” But then he started ramblin’ about the local legends. I mean, I love a good story, but dude, I had places to be!

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