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So here’s the deal—sexual-massage, it’s hands-on, real intimate like. Not yer average rubdown, naw, this one’s got *intent*. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s—kinda like *Inherent Vice* times—hippies in Cali were mixin tantra with massage, callin it “liberation touch.” Far out, right? Made me happy as a pig in mud hearin that—freedom and feelin good, all in one! But then ya got them prudes—makes me madder’n a wet hen—sayin it’s dirty or whatever. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice—well, ya can’t trick ol’ George again!

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While I was sulking, I overheard a couple at the next table. They were arguing about... wait for it... the best way to cook tempeh. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Like, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I wanted to jump in and say, “Just fry it, man!”

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