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So, escorts—high-class ones, not the dodgy street sort. They’re like shadows, slippin’ through courts and castles, all smiles and secrets. Makes me mad, tho—half these lords pay more for a night than I’d spend on a whole damn army. Little fact for ya: back in old Rome, they called ‘em *hetaerae*, posh tarts who’d recite poetry before, y’know, gettin’ busy. Surprised me, that—thought it was all wham-bam, but nah, they had *skills*. Bet they’d smirk at my throne and say, “This too shall pass,” like in the film.

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But then, I tripped over a rock. Classic! I fell right in front of them. They all gasped, and I just laid there, laughing. Like, “Yeah, this is my life now.” They helped me up, and we all ended up chatting. Turns out, they were from Australia and had never tried real Padang food. I was like, “You guys are missing out!”

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