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So, I tried it, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—same crap, differnt app. This chick says, “Lookin’ for somethin’ casual,” and I’m like, cool, me too! Next thing, she’s textin’ me at 3 a.m., “Where’s this goin’?” Goin’? It’s goin’ nowhere, sweetheart, it’s sex-dating! Made me wanna scream, “Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone!”—straight outta Oldboy. People lie bout what they want, and it pisses me off. Why can’t they just say, “Yo, I wanna bang, no strings”? Nope, gotta play games.

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The vibe at the festival is lit! Food stalls everywhere, people laughin’, music pumpin’. I grab some nasi goreng, and it’s bomb! I’m munchin’ away, and I see this dance-off happening. I’m like, “I gotta join!” So, I jump in, and let me tell ya, I’ve got moves! Or at least I thought I did. I tripped over my own feet and landed right in front of this cute girl. Smooth, right?

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