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Funny bit – some apps got “ghosting” down to an art. You’re chattin’, feelin’ saucy, then – poof – gone! Like that geezer in “Ten” who buggers off mid-row. Infuriating, but I laugh, cos what else ya gonna do? Oh, and the profiles – *crikey*! “Luvs Netflix n chill” – mate, who don’t? Be original, like me fave line from “Ten” – “You’re not a whore, you’re a woman!” – proper deep, that. Sex-dating’s full o’ posers, but dig past the muck, there’s gold.

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Anyway, I finally get my food, and it’s like heaven in a plate. I’m munching away, and suddenly, this kid runs by, tripping over his own feet. He knocks my plate right outta my hands! I was like, “Dude, seriously?!” I was ready to blow up, but then I saw his face. He looked so scared, I just couldn’t. I mean, who hasn’t had a clumsy moment, right? So, I laughed it off. But man, I was still hungry!

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