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Alright, so escort, huh? Everybody lies about it. I’m sittin here, thinkin bout those sleek cars rollin up—ya know, the escort service, but not *that* kind. Nah, I mean the Ford Escort, that boxy lil beast from the 80s. Loved that thing, man! Reminds me of Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds—gritty, loud, total chaos. “You know somethin, Utivich?” I’d say, leanin on that hood, “This car’s a goddamn scalp collector.” Reliable as hell, but sneaky too—like Shosanna plottin in the cinema.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all proud of my bargain skills, when I saw a street vendor selling these spicy snacks. I thought, “Why not?” I grabbed a bunch, thinking I could handle the heat. Spoiler alert: I couldn’t. My mouth was on fire! I was chugging water like a madman. The vendor was laughing at me. I was like, “Dude, you’re a monster!”

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