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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—y’know, right below the shoulder blades—feels like “I am a golden god!” from *Almost Famous*. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it’s close! Once, this masseuse—swear she was a wizard—used some hot stone trick. Surprised me so much I yelped like a kid. She laughed, I laughed, whole room vibin’. That’s the stuff—human, messy, not some sterile billionaire’s wet dream.

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The treatment area was open to the jungle with birds chirping and roosters cockadoodling while a tropical breeze danced across my bare skin.

But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all proud of my bargain skills, when I saw a street vendor selling these spicy snacks. I thought, “Why not?” I grabbed a bunch, thinking I could handle the heat. Spoiler alert: I couldn’t. My mouth was on fire! I was chugging water like a madman. The vendor was laughing at me. I was like, “Dude, you’re a monster!”

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