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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout escort – not that kinda escort, ya perv, I’m talkin Ford Escort, the car! As an insurance agent, I seen em all, and this lil’ beast’s got some spunk. Reminds me of “Caché” – ya know, my fave flick by that Haneke guy. “Something’s hidin in the shadows,” like that movie says, and with Escorts, it’s the dang reliability! Fool me once, shame on – uh, shame on you, fool me twice – can’t get fooled again, right? Haha, classic me.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a motorbike zooms past. Almost takes me out! Like, bro, chill! It’s not a racetrack! I’m all like, “What’s your rush, man?” But he just laughs and speeds off. I’m standing there, half-eating my pisang, half-fuming.

One killed, hundreds evacuated after M7.3 quake hits Indonesia