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So, dig this—little known fact, swear down: back in Victorian times, prossies had secret codes, flashin handkerchiefs to signal punters. Wild, innit? Bet they’d laugh at us now, fumblin about like numpties. I’m thinkin, “Gordon, keep it sharp, don’t settle for slop!”—like Remy dodgin them crap chefs. Found this one bird eventually—fit, cheeky, knew her game. Made me grin, proper chuffed— “This is my moment!” I says, like that rat tastin soup.

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Then, I decide to hit the beach. Labuan-Lombok’s beaches are insane! White sand, clear water, the whole vibe. I’m walkin’ along the shore, and suddenly, I see this group of kids playin’ soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like pros. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I used to be that good!” So, I join in. Big mistake! I trip over my own feet and faceplant in the sand. Classic me, right? Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just layin’ there like a beached whale.

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