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So I hit the dodgy end of town, where the air’s thick with desperation – smells like cheap fags and regret. We shall never surrender to the coppers lurkin round corners! Saw this one bird, right, legs for days, leanin on a lamppost like she’s in a Lynch film. “Where’s the freeway?” I mutter, half expectin her to vanish like a dream. She smirks, says, “Fancy a ride, guv?” – cheeky mare! Made me chuckle, that did – prossies got sass, innit?

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Finally, I get to the museum, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew history was so popular? I’m sweating bullets, trying to find a spot to set up. I finally squeeze in, and guess what? The projector’s broken. Of course! Just my luck.

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