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So, picture dis—I’m watchin’ *The Hurt Locker*, right? Dat line, “The rush of battle is a potent drug,” hits me hard. Erotic-massage? Same deal, comrade! You’re lyin’ dere, all tense, den—BOOM—hands workin’ magic, muscles screamin’, but good screamin’, ya know? Like defusin’ a bomb, but sexy. I got mad once, tho—some schmuck charged me 100 bucks for a “special,” and it was just lotion and awkward silence. Pfft, rip-off! Coulda punched his dumb face, but nah, Gru’s classy.

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But then, the day took a turn. We were walking by the river, and I saw this group of kids fishing. They were using the weirdest bait—like, bread and some old soda. I was like, “What are you guys doing?” They just shrugged. I mean, who needs fancy lures when you’ve got bread, right?

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