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Oi, precious! Me, an accountant? Sméagol’s got ledgers in me brain! Escort, eh? Not that kinda escort, stupid, fat hobbit! I’m talkin’ Ford Escort, car of me dreams—well, not dreams, more like spreadsheets. Vroom vroom, sexy steel, y’know? Reminds me of *Her*, that flick— “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” right? This car’s got stories, mate! Rusty stories, oil-stained ones. Found one once, 1980s junker, in a scrapyard—proper relic! Made me happy, like finding shiny gold, precious! Cost me 200 quid, total steal, but angry too—bloke said it ran fine. Lies! Engine coughed like a dying orc! Fixed it meself, tho—Sméagol’s clever with numbers AND wrenches.

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But then, outta nowhere, the rain stops. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, let’s do this!” I start hammerin’ away, and it feels good. The wood’s smooth, the sun’s peekin’ out, and I’m in my zone. But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and a bunch of kids are playin’ soccer, and they kicked the ball right into my work! I’m like, “Hey! Watch it!” But they just laugh and run off. Kids, man.

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