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Heard this story – guy matched a girl, total babe. sextin’ for weeks, all hot n’ heavy. Meets her – it’s his cousin. COUSIN. Galaxy’s fucked up, man. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” Theodore whined. Me? I’d burn the app down. Sex-dating’s a mindfuck – half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. I’m tellin’ ya, kid – it’s the Force, but horny. And messy. So damn messy. *heavy breathing* I am your father – and I’ve seen it all.

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I’m fuming, but I keep it cool. I mean, I can’t lose my job over some suit. But inside, I’m like, “Dude, you have no idea.” I just wanna blast him with my abrasive stuff.

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