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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m George W. Bush, yer ol’ elevator operator, ridin’ these floors like a dang war hero. Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride—kinda like huntin’ bin Laden in “Zero Dark Thirty,” my fave flick! That Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it—tension, release, the whole strategery of it. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, no sir—it’s a covert op, a mission! Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—well, ya can’t, ‘cause I’m wise to it now!

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But then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs up. He’s like, “Mister, can I help?” I’m like, “Help? You’re like, five!” But he’s got this big ol’ grin, and I can’t say no. So, I hand him a rope. He’s all serious, tying knots like a pro. I’m cracking up. “You sure you’re not a pirate?”

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