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So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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But lemme tell ya, today was a whole different ball game. First off, I get to the river, and it’s packed! Like, what’s up with that? I thought I’d have the place to myself. But nah, there’s this group of kids splashing around, making a ruckus. I’m like, “Yo, can a fisherman work in peace?” But they just laughed and kept throwing water at each other. Kids, man.