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Oh, and the oils—lavender, ylang-ylang—smells so ace, I’d shag the bottle! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a trip. Personal quirk? I hum *A Prophet*’s score while she’s kneadin’—keeps me chill. “Don’t fuck with me,” I’d growl if she stops too soon—nah, just kiddin’, I’m a gent! Funny thing: some parlors hide it behind “therapeutic” signs—sly foxes! Keeps the fuzz off their backs.

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An easy way to have sex with a Filipina is to visit a massage parlor that offers extras. These places are called Spakols and are scattered around the city. When you walk in they seem like .

But then, this sweet old lady comes over. She’s like, “You okay, young man?” And I’m like, “Yeah, just my pride hurt.” She hands me a piece of kue cubir, and I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver!” That little moment made the whole day worth it.

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