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I hate the fakeness. Everyone’s posin’, lyin’ about their height, their job. Met a gal once, said she’s a chef—couldn’t boil water. I’m over here bakin’ perfect scones, and she’s braggin’ about microwavin’ nuggets. Pissed me off. But then, one time, I matched with this quiet type—surprised me. We talked *Carol*, she got it, said, “What else is there?” like in the film. Almost made me smile. Almost.

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We’re up there, and I’m holdin’ the ladder while he’s hammerin’ away. Suddenly, a pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on my head. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Rudi’s laughin’ his butt off, and I’m just standin’ there, covered in bird poop. Kebomas, man.

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