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Alright, so escort, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—escort! What a word, right? Like, it’s fancy, it’s sneaky, it’s got layers—like Viggo Mortensen in “A History of Violence” when he’s all, “I’m just a guy,” but then—bam!—he’s breakin’ necks! Escort’s the same, y’know? Sounds classy, like you’re usherin’ someone to a ball, but nah, it’s usually somethin’ else—somethin’ dirtier, spicier, and I’m not mad about it! Pretty, pretty good, if you ask me.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting for cover, but I slip on the wet pavement. Classic me, right? I land right in front of this old lady selling umbrellas. She just looks at me and says, “You need one, young man?” I can’t help but laugh. I buy one, obviously.

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