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But here’s the tea – it’s not all roses. Some creeps out there think sexual-massage means “happy ending” every time. Ugh, makes me wanna slap ‘em – no capes, no consent, no dice! Had this one gal tell me her masseuse got handsy, no permission. I was LIVID, like, “Dahling, that’s not the vibe!” Ruins it for the rest of us who just wanna melt into the table, y’feel?

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While I’m elbow-deep in grease, my buddy Joko swings by. He’s got this wild idea to fix his bike. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a bicycle, not a rocket ship!” But he insists. So, we’re in the back, and he’s tryin’ to show off his “mechanical skills.” Spoiler alert: he’s not a mechanic.

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