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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of girls shows up. They’re all giggles and sparkles, and I’m thinkin’, “Finally, some good vibes.” But then, one of ‘em trips on the curb. I swear, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. She goes down, and I’m half-laughing, half-worried. But she pops back up like a champ, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re tougher than my grandma!”

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