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But then—then!—I dig deeper, and ugh, the maintenance! Owners bitchin’ bout head gaskets, transmissions explodin’—I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why’d ya buy it, ya schmuck?!” Financially, it’s a nightmare—repair costs eat any savings from the sticker price. I’d short that car if it were on the market, no question. Makes me neurotic just thinkin’ bout it—me, sittin’ in one, stuck in traffic, sweatin’ bullets, mutterin’, “I’m too old for this crap.” Total Larry David moment, right there.

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So, I’m waiting in line, and this dude in front of me drops his phone. It goes splat right on the pavement. I’m like, “Bro, you good?” He just stares at it like it’s a bomb. I mean, it’s just a phone, right? But nah, he’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I chuckle a bit, but then I realize, wait, I’ve dropped my phone before too. Oof, karma’s a b*tch.

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