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So, listen up, padawan—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs. Tension it releases, sneaky-like, in places ya didn’t expect. Little fact, hmm? Ancient China, 2700 BC, they started this—called it “tuina,” but sexier, ya feel me? Not some fancy spa shit, nah, real deal stuff. Made me happy, thinkin’ how old this trick is, still kickin’!

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I’m in the store, and guess what? They’re having a sale! I’m like, “Yasss!” But then, I see this lady. She’s literally grabbing everything off the racks. I mean, chill, lady! It’s not a free-for-all! I’m trying to be polite, but inside, I’m fuming. Like, “Do you even need all that?”

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