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Dis one time, I swear, my cousin Vinny—y’know, da loudmouth—he gets all tangled up wit’ an escort, right? Thinks he’s Tony Montana or somethin’. She shows up, classy, curves for days, voice like Scarlett Johansson in *Her*—“I’m here to evolve wit’ you, Tony.” He’s hooked, spendin’ cash he don’t got! Next day, he’s cryin’ to me, “She took my freakin’ Rolex!” I’m like, “Whaddya expect, genius? Love?” Had me rollin’, but pissed me off too—don’t be so damn stupid, Vin!

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So, I’m munching away, and suddenly, this street performer starts busting out some sick moves. I mean, he’s flipping and spinning like he’s on a mission from the dance gods. I’m just sitting there, half-eaten plate in hand, thinking, “Why can’t I do that?” I mean, I can barely do a two-step without tripping over my own feet.

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