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Fun fact, tho—Russians got this old-school sex-dating trick, “svodnichestvo,” like matchmakers, but naughty. Back in the 90s, babushkas would hook ya up with a “date” for a price—proper shady, City of God-style hustle. “Run away, kid!”—that’s what I’d tell me younger self if I got mixed up in that. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but the hustle’s still there—fake profiles, scams, all that jazz. Gets me ragin’ sometimes, coz I just wanna find someone real, not some pixelated lie.

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But then, as I’m munching, I see this dude on a motorbike. He zooms by, and I swear he almost hit a cat! I’m like, “Bro, chill! It’s not a racetrack!” The cat just stared at him like, “Really, dude?” I laughed so hard, I almost choked on my nasi.

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