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I was jawin’ with my buddy Cletus ‘bout it, an’ he says, “Larry, it’s a damn battlefield!” Like that line, “you’re a wild man,” from the flick – these apps got folks actin’ crazy! Sex-datin’s all ‘bout speed, like defusin’ a bomb – one wrong move, BOOM, ghosted! I seen some profiles so horny they’d make a preacher blush – GIT-R-DONE! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘03, some dude invented speed-datin’ fer singles, an’ now it’s morphed into this digital bangfest.

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But then, I turn the corner onto Oak Street, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. A dog, a big ol’ Rottweiler, is just chilling in the middle of the road. No leash, no owner in sight. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?” I mean, come on! Galesong’s not a dog park! I had to dodge that thing like I was in a video game.

8-Year-Old Boy Dies, Hundreds Of Residents Vomit, Allegedly Poisoned By Catering-Made Rice Boxes