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First off, this car—man, it’s basic as hell. Born in ‘81, Ford said, “Let’s slap some wheels on a shoebox!” And bam, Escort hit the streets, cheap, ugly, but loyal—like that friend who’s broke but shows up anyway. I’m talkin’ 1.6-liter engine, sputterin’ like an old man coughin’, but it hauled ass for the everyman. Gas mileage? Sweet lord, it sipped fuel like a nun sips wine—30, 40 miles a gallon, savin’ pennies in the ‘80s when gas prices had folks sweatin’.

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But then, I turn the corner onto Oak Street, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. A dog, a big ol’ Rottweiler, is just chilling in the middle of the road. No leash, no owner in sight. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?” I mean, come on! Galesong’s not a dog park! I had to dodge that thing like I was in a video game.

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