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Last week, my buddy Dave—dumb as a stump—tried it. Said it was “spiritual,” like he’s some guru now. I told him, “You’re an idiot, Dave.” He’s lyin’ there, candles flickerin’, some chick whisperin’ about “energy flow”—I’d gag if I wasn’t so damn annoyed. “What am I doing here?” Bob Harris’d say, stuck in that weird hotel bar. That’s me, watchin’ Dave blab about his “release.” Release? From what, sanity? I hate everything.

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After that, I’m feeling pumped, right? So I decide to explore a bit. I wander down to the beach at Pantai Pasir Putih. The waves are crashing, and it’s beautiful. I’m snapping pics, feeling all zen, when I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking it around like pros! I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve brought my cleats.”

Table 4 : Chemical properties of soil in observation locations