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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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Next, I decided to hit up the Dukuhturi park. It’s this beautiful spot, with trees and a pond. I needed some zen after the chaos. But guess what? There was a yoga class happening. I thought, “Why not?” So, I joined in. I’m not a yoga pro, but I tried. I mean, who doesn’t wanna look graceful, right? Spoiler alert: I fell over. Twice. The instructor just smiled. I was like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”