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I try once in Almaty, girl rub me good, I yell “This is home!” like WALL-E, so happy! She use oil, smell like goat, but sexy goat, ya? Little fact—old Kazakh story say massage make man live 100 year, strong like bull! I dunno if true, but I feel it, boom, energy! She touch my back, my legs, oof, then naughty bits—surprise me! I think, “Directive?” like WALL-E, what this mission? Hahaha!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! I mean, seriously, one minute it’s all sunshine and rainbows, and the next, I’m soaked. I was like, “Great, just great.” So we ducked into this little warung. The owner was super nice, gave us free snacks while we waited out the rain. I was like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!”

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