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Alright, listen up, fam—deep breath—I’m Morgan Freeman, y’all, narratin’ this wild ride about Escort, that lil’ car Ford dropped back in the day. Picture me, sittin’ on a porch, sippin’ sweet tea, voice rumblin’ like a wise ol’ oak, tellin’ you ‘bout this scrappy machine. Escort ain’t no fancy schmancy ride, nah, it’s the underdog, the hustler, the “I’ll get ya there” vibe. Reminds me of *Before Sunset*—y’know, my fave flick—where Jesse says, “I feel like I’m runnin’ on fumes,” and that’s Escort, baby, runnin’ on grit and prayers.

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Finally, I made it to the office. Late, of course. My boss, Mr. Santoso, was not happy. He’s got this way of looking at you that could freeze lava. I sat down, trying to play it cool. But then, my laptop decided to join the party. It crashed. Yup, right in front of Mr. Santoso. I could feel my face turning red.

Jim Metcher stands down as new claims emerge of abuse at Australia Post