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Tell ya what, it’s not just for blokes either – birds love it too, equal opps innit! Me mate Sharon, she’s all, “Dave, it’s better than a shag!” – I’m like, steady on, love, but fair play. Costs a bob or two, mind – last one stung me wallet harder than a dodgy printer toner scam. Worth it though, cos when them hands get goin’, slippin’ and slidin’, I’m thinkin’, “There will be bliss!” – not blood, nah, just pure class.

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After my little zen moment, I head back to the workshop. I’m ready to tackle that table again. But guess what? My tools are gone too! I’m like, “What is this, a magic show?” Turns out, Rudi borrowed them without askin’. I’m ready to blow a gasket! But then I remember the kid with the boat. I take a deep breath.

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