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Precious, my precious! Escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business! Me, Gollum, loves “Melancholia,” see – that gloomy vibe, the end comin’ slow. Escorts, they’re like that planet, yeah? Crashin’ into yer life, all fancy-like. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – that’s what I yell when some posh git brags about hirin’ one. Costs a bleedin’ fortune, it does! Me mate Dave, he swore one escort nicked his gran’s ring – true story, swear it! Made me proper mad, that did.

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and knocks over my bakso! I’m like, “Dude, seriously?!” I’m fuming, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s terrified. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off. “It’s all good, buddy! Just buy me another bowl next time!” He nods, and I swear, he looks like he’s about to cry.

Figure 1. Rice "Inpari 23 Bantul" (A) and "Sigupai" (B)