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I heard this one story—true stuff, swear it!—back in Japan, old geishas did this secret rubdown for samurais. Not kiddin’! Little known fact: it wasn’t just tea pourin’, they’d sneak in some sensual massage—kept it hush-hush, tho. Made me happy thinkin’ ‘bout history bein’ so spicy! But then—D’oh!—I got mad ‘cause Marge won’t lemme try it. “Homer, you idiot!” she’d say, and I’m like, “Aww, c’mon, it’s research!”

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But then, I get a bit mad. There’s this dude tryin’ to sell me some weird sheep wool sweater. I’m like, “Bro, I’m a shepherd. I don’t need a sweater made of sheep!” He just stares at me like I’m crazy. I mean, c’mon! I’m literally surrounded by sheep all day. I don’t need a reminder.

Indonesia works to ban trade of meat from pets, exotic animals