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Me, I’d be rubbish at it. Big clumsy paws, I’d knock the lamp over. “Oops, mea culpa!” I’d bellow, tripping over me trousers. But when it’s done right? Phwoar, pure bliss! Had one once in Bali – tiny lass, hands like magic. Thought I’d died and gone to Elysium. “Silence is the loudest scream,” Almodóvar says – spot on! No words, just groans. Made me happy as a pig in muck.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this cute little café on Jalan Pahlawan. I’m like, “Okay, I need coffee.” So I pop in, and the barista? Super chill. We start talkin’ about sheep. Yeah, sheep! Turns out, he’s got a cousin who raises goats. We bond over our love for fluffy animals. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, I spill my coffee all over the counter. Classic me. The barista just laughs it off. Thank goodness for good vibes.

Indonesia works to ban trade of meat from pets, exotic animals